WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?

As a young 8 year old, I use to attend a small Baptist church near my house called Dean Hall. I wasn’t a Baptist. I was raised a Catholic but because Dean Hall was 2 minutes away I attended the vibrant Sunday school after my Catholic church service.  The Sunday school lessons were fun and those who attended regularly received prizes. So I made it my goal to be there every Sunday. There was so much love in Dean Hall of which I have very fond memories. 

EARLY YEARS

At Dean Hall I learned about selfless love. I learned that is was so important to love my neighbour as myself. I learned the stories of the Samaritan and that it was important to treat others just like myself. The core of the message at Dean Hall was love and selflessness. I was taught to always think about others more than myself just as Jesus did. And as an 8 year old, this message stuck with me right up to adulthood until myself and my husband joined the Pentecostal movement in 1998.

CHILDHOOD MEMORIES RE-IGNITED

ME ME ME BECAME SO IMPORTANT

I was no longer taught about selflessness, rather I was taught I was the head not the tail. I was told that I was the most important person in the world because I was God’s child.  My needs mattered more than anything else. I was taught how God was going to favour me, bless me, proposer me and elevate me me me. I got carried away with all this me, me me and my daily prayer was ‘’God what have you done for me lately’’. I needed a deep spiritual walk and we moved to Jesus House London. But we relocated to Lagos in 2008 and me, me, me, way of teaching was heightened in some churches.  

ME ME ME ME ME ME

MOVING TO SOLID FOOD

But now I know better. I have returned to what I was taught as an 8 year old.  I know now that to Love my neighbour as myself is not a command to love myself. To love myself is natural because scriptures assumes I already love myself. As a mature Christian, I realise how important it is to focus less on myself but more on the needs of others. Is this easy to do? Not at all! Do I fall short of this? Yes regularly! But at least I know what I am suppose to do. So what about loving oneself. Isnt that something that a movement that I belong to called Raising Confident Girls encourages ? Yes it is. Our girls are wonderfully and fearfully made but true confidence comes when we are serving others, not consumed by selflove.

I am not saying loving oneself isn’t important. It just shouldnt be an obsession. (Philippians 2: 3- 4)

What’s love got to do with it? When we focus on loving others as we love ourselves in the way Christ taught us, then we are more likely to shine HIS light and win souls to Christ because that is the goal right? Food for thought!

What is your view about the Bible context of loving yourself? Have you been on a similar journey to me? Please leave a message in the comment box and thanks for stopping by.

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DONT LOVE ME AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF

About author

RiRi is a dedicated Events & Marketing Experts who is passionate about serving clients at Majestically Rare to the highest standards. Only the best will do. She is also the founder of Raising Confident Girls Initiative with a clear vision: A world where every girl is confident. 

DON’T LOVE ME AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF

From as early as I can remember and from scripture, we are taught to love others as we love ourselves but as Ive grown in maturity, I have come to understand that we must always ''love others'' but not necessarily in the way that we would like to be loved.  And let me explain before I am accused of blasphemy. I have come to realise that not everyone can love you in the way you love yourself  because not everyone has the same heart. 

Love People According to Their Love Language

If you haven’t invested in the book  called ''The Five Love Language by Gary Chapman'', then I would highly recommend it. You just cant love everyone in the same way, not even friends. When I look around at my relationships they are all different and I love them all differently.  They require different kinds of love:

1.   Words of Affirmation

2.   Quality Time

3.   Receiving Gifts

4.   Acts of Service

5.   Physical Touch

Love People in Their Way or Face the HighWay

If you love people in the way you want to be loved you might be disappointed. Take Jude  for example, on each Valentine’s day he leaves a lovely Valentine’s card for his wife telling her how much he loves her. But Jackie is fed up of seeing those cards year in and year out. All she wants is to be taken out for a candle lit dinner somewhere in town. But Jude just hasnt made time to understand his wife’s love language and doesnt understand why she doesnt appreciate his cards. 

Love Others in The Way They Like to be Treated

I am an extrovert and I like being on stage and I love dancing.  It’s just the way I am wired. Ive got a friend Beauty that hates any kind of attention. If I am at a speaking event, do you think it would be wise to call Beauty on stage to dance with me ? I think not. But If I love her, the way I love myself isn’t that what I would do? Now Ive got to change my thinking and love her the way she loves to be loved.

Food for thought on this Valentines Day! 

PREVIOUS BLOG! INTENTIONAL LIVING

Thanks for stopping by and I wish you a whole year filled with love. Please feel free to leave a comment or share with others.

DOES INTENTIONAL LIVING BRING SUCCESS?

So at the beginning of the year, I decided to live a more intentional life. Intentional living is not a new concept to me but I havent always been that consistent and deliberate until I went on the NO NONSENSE GOAL masterclass in January. So here are just 5 things that I try to practice intentionally, with hope that it improves my success rate of achieving my life and business goals.

1. INTENTIONALLY PRACTICE GRATITUDE

Saturdays are my day of gratitude. I spend my morning’s reflecting on my week and just write down all the things that I am grateful for. It really is a great confidence booster and helps me count my blessings.  Today I am grateful for my sister friend Ngozi Obi, who I have known for 18 years and who is celebrating her birthday. I am so grateful to have such a phenomenal sister friend in my life.  

2. INTENTIONALLY REVIEW  LIFE AND BUSINESS GOALS

It’s so easy at the beginning of the year to write down goals and be so excited about achieving them but how many of us are fed by February? Ouch! The momentum goes down and even the mention of goals can irritate us. So I decided to change that mindset and intentionally review my goals on a weekly basis to see where I am and whether anything needs adapting. It’s been quite mind blowing to see that my goals are being achieved faster by being intentional.

3. INTENTIONALLY RECITE AFFIRMATIONS

I intentionally recite affirmations daily to help achieve my goals. Sometimes I listen to them as a voice note or just read them silently.

I have spiritual affirmations, life goal affirmations, business affirmations and confidence affirmations. And I believe they are helping me achieve my goals because what you focus on, you become.

4. INTENTIONALLY WATCH WHAT WE EAT

I have dreams of returning to my pre returnee weight (I use to be leaner when I lived in London) but this is not going to happen if I don’t manage what I eat or do exercise. I recently saw a post from my dear friend Kwavi where one of her clients said that her new menu was boring. Kwavi quickly reminded her client that food is not meant to entertain us. Its just meant to fuel the body. I reflected on Kwavi’s message and now intentionally do a check to make sure I am eating right not as a bestie or to entertain me but just as fuel. It doesn’t mean I don’t have treats but I intentionally try to keep them limited. And by the way, I have a few accountability partners that keep me in check lol. 

MORE ABOUT KWAVI

5. INTENTIONALLY LIVE A SIMPLE LIFE

My life is simple and that is intentional. My desire for material things are minimal. I like nice things but I don’t desire too much of them.  I just keep me simple. I am always de-cluttering. Intentional living is not the same as being intentionally mean or hurtful or calculating and those are habits I stay away from. I like friendships that are simple and straight forward.  I surround myself with those who share the same values as me and it gives me peace and makes my life simple. It really is intentional. 

So these are just some of the things I do intentionally to create more success in my life. It’s a bit too early to evaluate the outcomes of some of the new ones but so far so good. How about you? What do you do that is intentional and what are the benefits? 

Thank you for stopping by and as usual and if you found this blog post helpful please share with others.

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NO NONSENSE GOALS IN 2018

Happy Weekend. 

CAN YOU FEEL THE FORCE?

Relationships are never forced and the more you try and force yourself on people, the more they will push you away. I learned this life lesson some years ago: We are not called to everyone. Some people will love us. Some people will not and sometimes the season of the relationship is over. Ive been on both ends in my life of being too needy and someone needing me too much and neither are cool. Its suffocating actually. We live and learn.


RESPECT YOURSELF

The worst thing we can do is force ourselves on people in the hope that they will see our value. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Have Respect for yourself. No-one is worth chasing. Here are a few points worth noting:

THE RIGHT PEOPLE WILL SHOW UP

I remember a season in my life where I felt needy for friends. I had just relocated to Lagos and despite relocating with my family, I was missing female company. I had loads of female friends in London. I still do but couldn’t figure out why I was not finding those deep connections in Lagos 

FRIENDSHIPS ARE NEVER FORCED

You know the type where you can just chat and laugh for hours on end and by the end of the day, everyone leaves with a really great feeling until the next time. But that wasn’t happening in Lagos. The few I met relocated back to London and it was proving difficult to find my kind.

ASK AND YE SHALL FIND

One day I just prayed to God and asked him to show me the right type of friends for me and they just started showing up, so naturally. No force. Just loving, caring, kind and full of empathy. I now have a set of loving friends in Lagos that are solid as a rock and I always leave myself open to more friends because I recognise that good relationships really add value to my life. But they will never be forced relationships.

GOOD FRIENDSHIPS ARE LIKE BREATHING

NEVER BEG

God created you worthy of respect and love. He will send the right people to you. Never ever beg for a space in anyone's life, regardless. It doesn’t help your self esteem or confidence when you force yourself on others. Can you relate to this blog post? What has been your experience with forced relationships? Kindly share in the comment box and lets learn from each other. Thanks for stopping by

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HOW TO OVERCOME LEG SHAME