OH THAT SPIRIT OF ENVY

It's fair to say that most people have a tiny bit of envy every now and then. Yes we do.  Perhaps your best friend is quite smart and always gets A grades but you struggle to get a B. You look at her and say half jokingly, "I hate you lol".

As human beings it's natural for us to feel slight envy but for some people it's a major issue and it manifests itself in ugly ways. It’s often quite difficult to talk about envy because it is a weakness.

WHY ENVY?

Envy occurs when we lack a desired attribute enjoyed by another.  In females this shows itself up in a lot of ways, especially the desire to outshine the person you are envious of. Or sometimes you become so hostile towards the person without even realising. Social media inflames envy because often you see the very thing you are envious of. Envy is associated with pain and shame.

ROOT CAUSE
From all indications and my research, the root cause of envy is low self esteem. 

SIGNS OF ENVY

1. You stop being nice and become very critical to the person.

2. You start ignoring the person. 

3. You see the person as fierce competition.

4. You are not happy for them.

5. You no longer cheer them on.

6. Any admiration you once had for them can turn into disdain and even disrespect .

If the envy is directed at you and you are a sensitive person, you might take such behaviour personally. But don't. It has nothing to do with YOU but more about how they feel about themselves.  Just be confident in yourself. 

HOW TO HANDLE ENVIOUS PEOPLE

1. Keep excelling and don't make any apologies for being your best self.

2. Focus on surrounding yourself with people that love and accept you for who you are.

3. Avoid interactions with envious people. They will just infuse negativity in your life.

4. Have strong boundaries and keep them at arm’s length.  

5. Realise that you can't fix a person with envy issues.  It's a journey they will have to deal with themselves.

6. Pray for those who despise and that includes envious people because that's what they do: despise you. 

7. Do not dim your light but rather be positive wherever you go.

HOW TO GET OVER ENVY

1.  Acknowledge that you do have envy issues.  It's the quickest way to kill envy. 

2. Consider that your behaviour towards the person you envy might not be kind.  Be kind.

3. Compliment the attributes that you are envious about.

4. Work on your strengths. We all have something that we are great at. If in doubt ask your closest circle.

5. Work on your self-esteem. When you have High Self-esteem, you are less likely to have envy issues.

6. Finally remember that any negative emotion you have towards another person can cause sickness in your body, so deal with it fast. Seek peace.  Be at peace with everyone around you.
Envy destroys relationships. 

Hope this article helps somebody. Please feel free to leave a comment. I write this from the heart. Please feel free to comment and share with someone that it can help.

Previous Post
WHY SELF ESTEEM MORE IMPORTANT THAN CONFIDENCE

Thanks for stopping by as always

WHY HIGH SELF ESTEEM MORE IMPORTANT THAN CONFIDENCE

I believe that self-esteem is more important than seeking confidence because once you have high self-esteem you will naturally gain confidence.

WHAT IS SELF ESTEEM?

In conversation with friends, they believe that confidence and self-esteem are the same. But they are not. Self-esteem is your opinion of yourself and your worth. In other words, your perception of your value as a person.

Confidence is the belief in your abilities. Do you know that some people have high confidence and low self-esteem? Some have low confidence and low self esteem but our aim is to have high confidence and high self-esteem in all areas of our life. Its a journey.

Here are a few more things about high self-esteem that I have discovered

When you have high self-esteem, you won’t have toxic relationships. You just won’t tolerate them. You will only surround yourself with goodness.

When you have high self-esteem, you won’t stay in places or groups where you are not valued, rather you will seek healthier environments.

When you have a high self-esteem, you won’t believe that other people are better than you or vice versa.

TRUE CONFIDENCE

It doesnt come from wealth, education, achievements, looks, accolades, designers or anything external. That is why unfortunately some people who have signs of outward confidence are struggling with low self-esteem, even celebrities. True confidence comes from high self-esteem.

Here is a checklist of a person who possesses low self esteem

•     You don’t believe in yourself

•     You see yourself failing before you begin.

•     You have a hard time forgiving your mistakes.

•     You believe you can never be as good as you should be or as others.

•     You are afraid to show your creativity because you will be ridiculed.

•     You are dissatisfied with their life.

•     You complain and criticize.

•     You worry about everything and do nothing.

•     You have envy issues

•     You have ‘’complex issues’’. Either superiority complex or inferiority complex.

•     You find it difficult to be yourself and you’re always putting on a front.

Here is checklist of someone who possesses High self esteem

•     You don’t seek approval or validation

•     You don’t obsessively worry about how others will judge you.

•     Your life is enriched with each new encounters.

•     You are nicer to be around.

•     Your ideas are met with interest because others want to hear what you have to say.

•     You make a good leader!

•     You appreciate life and are willing to try new things -you are magnets to positive opportunities!

•     You have less mental health problems

•     You have less issues with other people because you are content with who they are

GET RID OF LOW SELF ESTEEM

Low self-esteem can result in feeling out of control and feeling like a victim ignored, excluded, unimportant, insignificant and unloved. 

Low self-esteem can lead to internalising the criticism of others (taking it to heart) while searching constantly for validation. This can lead to chronic people pleasing and it will give others too much power to determine how we feel.  Ive been in this season in my life before and it was horrible. This in turn can lead to being a doormat for other people's benefit.

LOVE YOU

When you truly love yourself for who you are, with all your strengths and weaknesses and truly accept yourself then you have high self esteem….

So that's the end of my blog post for now. Is your self-esteem high? How do you maintain it?

Thank you for stopping by and please share with others that may benefit. 

PREVIOUS BLOG ON SELF-ESTEEM
PRACTICE OF HIGH SELF-ESTEEM

THE GLOBAL LEADERSHIP SUMMIT 2017

I attended the 2^nd day of the Global Leadership Summit video broadcast that was held at Elevation church today. It was a power packed event. Here are just a few summary notes that you might find useful.

LASZLO BOCK

Transform how you live and lead

Insights from inside Google: Laslzo is a senior consultant from Google. He says, we spend more hours working, so being in a good work place matters. You need to give work meaning. Some people remember the duty but forget the joy. Having a mission gives work meaning. Missions must inspire and have good stories 

Here are Work Rules best practice 

·       Figure out why you are doing what you are doing

·       Go to your team and ask what inspires their work

·       Who are the beneficiaries of the work you do and who can you invite to share the impact your organization has had in their lives?

·       Go back to No 1 and do it again and again

Trust your people , allow them make decisions. Ask them how better the company can perform. If you believe that your team are fundamentally good, they will repay you with goodness and creativity.

As a leader, give your team more than you are comfortably giving because that means you trust them.

Hire only people who are better than you.

Pay unfairly – pay appropriately and let high performers know and be appreciated

Nudge - Celebrate positive things you see in the people in your environment around you and reinforce that type of behaviour

ANGELA DUCKWORTH 

Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance

Angela describes GRIT as sustained passion and perserverance for especially long terms goals.

She believes that deliberate practice allows people to achieve world class excellence

Here are 4 specific ways taken from her research

1. Stretch your goals – what one small thing can I do just a little better today that Ive done before?

2. Focus 100% - How can I maximize effort on this one small thing today?

3. Get feedback – Who can I get feedback from regarding this goal?

4. Reflect and refine – What part of the feedback can I put into practice

IMMACULEE ILIBAGIZA 

The Act of Forgiveness

Her entire family except her brother were wiped out in the 1994 Rwanda massacre including her parents, her grandparents and siblings. She was hidden by an Anglican priest from another tribe. She sat in a bathroom for 3 months. She is a Catholic and prayed the Rosary 200 times but she found it difficult to pray, ‘’forgive those who trespass against us’’. She was losing her faith. She asked God to show her a sign. When the perpetrators came to look for her, they told the Anglican priest that he couldn’t have hid her because he was a good man. They left the premises and she was safe. She finally escaped to America.

Lessons Learned

·       Forgiveness is a choice

·       There is freedom in forgiveness

·       As leaders we need to go first

There were over 12 Leaders including Pastor Sam Adeyemi, Sheryl Sanberg, that spoke during the two days conference. You can order a DVD of the entire conference from Elevation church.

Did anything stand out for you? Please share your comments.

Here’s my previous blog post

HOW TO PRACTICE HIGH SELF ESTEEM

HOW TO PRACTICE HIGH SELF-ESTEEM

I know what it’s like to battle with low self-esteem. For years I couldnt differentiate between Confidence (Believing in your abilities) and Self Esteem (Believing in yourself). I wondered why I believed in my abilities, yet struggled with my self-worth. Anyone who has achieved success in any area like getting a top degree, having a thriving business, buying a new home or two, buying the latest cars, soon realizes that it is neither sufficient nor necessary for healthy High self esteem. One only has to observe celebrities who can perform in front of millions (confidence) yet struggle with low self esteem and some actually kill themselves. 

During my journey, I soon discovered that High Self Esteem can not be gained from anything external. It has to come from inside of me.

So here are 5 tactics I practice daily to keep my self esteem HIGH! It’s worth noting.

1. The Practice Of Self-Acceptance

It’s truly a struggle for people to accept themselves, especially women. It doesnt help that we are compared so much more among ourselves than men are. I remember a season when I wasn’t comfortable with my height. At only 5:4, I wanted to be taller like my siblings and my parents. It didnt help that I had people in my life that would throw shade about my height. Throughout my 20’s I wore block heels with extra inches so that I could appear taller. Then one day I woke up and threw away the big blocks and just accepted my height. My new motto became ''Improve what you can change and accept what you cant'' and that improved my self esteem''.

NO MORE BLOCKS 

2. The Practice Of Self Responsibility 

Jack Canfield’s book, The Success Principles is a book I keep close to my heart. In the first chapter of his book he talks about taking 100% responsibility for your life. When I read that chapter, my attitude started to change for the better. Often low esteem comes from not taking responsibility for our outcomes and then we end up blaming everyone else or making excuses.

Here are some things I am responsible for

1.        I am responsible for my achievements

2.        I am responsible for my personal happiness

3.        I am responsible for my choices and action

4.        I am responsible for raising my self esteem

3. The Practice Of Assertiveness

People with strong assertiveness skills have high self-esteem. They know their worth. They know what they will tolerate and what they wont. They are not people pleasers. I taught myself the practice of assertiveness because I was tired of giving into people’s demands when I really wanted to say NO thanks. Assertiveness also means knowing your rights and standing up for what you believe in, even if you are the only one standing. 

4. The Practice Of Living On Purpose

The only way to maintain high self-esteem is to live a life of purpose. What is your purpose? Your purpose is what you were born to do. Contrary to popular belief, your purpose may not be centered around your job. It maybe your ministry or something that you do in your spare time.  All the challenging experiences in your life may lead to your purpose. When you know your purpose and practice living on purpose, it increases high self esteem. 

5. The Practice Of Gratitude

On my journey of self -discovery, I realised that I cannot have high self-esteem if I lack gratitude. So I intentionally choose gratitude. Sometimes I just randomly hug my husband or my children. I spend moments in the day just being thankful for life. I love to celebrate others and that is part of my gratitude for people God has placed in my life. I tap into gratitude daily and it helps with high self-esteem.

There are times that I slip and I don’t feel good about myself and I pray and say ''Father God deliver me from this low feeling'' then I realise I am human and I get back up and start practicing again. I must practice.

Here’s a recommended book

THE PILLARS OF SELF ESTEEM

How do you practice High Self- esteem? Please leave a comment and tell me more. 

Here's my previous blog post
5 THINGS THAT CHALLENGE ME ABOUT LOVE


Thanks for stopping by and please share with someone who could benefit from this knowledge. 

5 THINGS THAT CHALLENGE ME ABOUT LOVE

Love is a beautiful thing and the greatest gift of them all. Love is a conversation I was having with my beautiful sister friend Yinka Enahoro yesterday. We were discussing all the many types of love. When you read the Bible especially the New Testament, the Love described is selfless, sacrificial and unconditional love. It is Agape Love.  Love is a strong value for both of us. As a believer and someone who daily tries to emulate Christ, here are 5 things that challenge me about Agape love.

1. Love is patient and kind. Throughout my Christian life, this verse has always challenged me. How can you be patient and kind to people who misbehave or treat you badly? If people treat you badly you want to retaliate but I guess you have to take a deep breath. Stop in your tracks and remember what you know about love. Never repay evil for evil. It’s not easy shaa but it’s clearly stated that Love is patient and kind. Breath with me now, if someone has upset you.

2. Love one another and live at peace. I would rather live at peace then live in malice and that’s what I was saying to Yinka yesterday. Recently I bumped into someone at an event and forget that we had fallen out and hugged her like a long lost friend. After hugging her, it dawned on me that I wasn’t supposed to be speaking to her. But guess what? I had forgotten what the quarrel was about. It's not always easy to live at peace but we must pray for grace. When we live at peace it affects our well being, positively.

3. Love your enemies and pray for those who despise you. I use to believe this was impossible to achieve but with maturity and an understanding of Agape love, it is possible.  It's very freeing especially when you know in your heart that you haven't done anything wrong. Just pray for people that dont love you or who wrong you. People are going through a lot and have deep rooted pains, so we shouldn't take bad behaviour personally. Its not about us.

4. A friend loves at all times. I often meditate on this verse but these days rather than focusing on how my friends are loving me, I look inward and ask myself how am I loving them? When we take the focus off what others are doing for us and really look at our actions, we will be able to really examine if we are a good friend and try our best to love at all times.

5. Love holds no record of wrong doing. This is a big challenge for me and one I'm always trying to figure out how to practice this. Does it mean we should just tolerate bad behaviour from people? No it doesnt. I believe it means dont hold yourself ransom to people's wrong doing. How does it feel when you start listing all the wrongs that people have caused you? Not great right? Does it give you peace? Forgiveness is key and we have to forgive daily, even for the worst of acts. 

Agape love is not an easy act to follow and doesnt not come naturally to us but it has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit. So seek HIM daily. 

So those are my 5 challenges of loving others with Agape Love but that is what our Heavenly Father commands us to do. How about you? What aspects of the Love commandment are you challenged with? Would love you to share a comment. 

Here's my previous blog post
EVENTS & MARKETING MIX IN PICTURES

Thanks for stopping by RiRi xxx