WHO CONTROLS YOUR EMOTIONS?

I believe that if we can conquer managing our emotions, we will have a more peaceful and rewarding life. In 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Cowey says, ''We should not let the actions of others dictate our reactions''. He went on further to say rather our principles and values should dictate our action. Otherwise we will become a social weather; which means when you are treated well, you feel good, when people treat you bad, you respond by mirroring their negativity and then it becomes a vicious circle. 

John Maxwell states that people treat us according to how they see themselves rather than how we really are, we shouldnt take negative behaviour personally and be so reactive.

BETTER WAY

There is a better way. Stephen Cowey states that proactive people carry their own weather. They are not driven by the behavior of others, rather they are driven by their values. Here’s a classic example: If your values are love, even if people are not loving to you, you can still respond in love. 

To further buttress this views , my husband always says “Don’t let another person’s behaviour affect you negatively, rather let your behaviour affect another person positively’’. You always have the choice.

IT’S YOUR CHOICE

You can’t choose how other people treat you, but you can choose how to act. You can choose to love when hated and even smile when persecuted.  It might appear weak but the true demonstration of power are those who are in control of their emotion. Its actually Biblical. (Proverbs 16:32) 

When dealing with others, we can act negatively towards them or choose to act favourably to someone who doesn’t deserve it.

So tell me how do you manage your emotions? Please leave a comment in the box below. Thanks for stopping by and if you found this article useful use the share buttons below to share with others.

Further reading

(1)      The 21 Immutable Laws of Relationships by Gregory Ijowola

(2)     The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey

Book Review – The 7 Commandments of Foolishness

I am doing the 31 Day Proverbs challenge with Elevation church and I decided to buy and review the short book written by the leading Pastor Godman Akinlabi titled ''The 7 Commandments of Foolishness'. It’s a light book with only 76 pages which you can read within two hours, especially if you are a fast reader like me.

Here are my nuggets and thoughts from the book which jumped out at me. I will go through each foolish commandment.

1. Thou shall not think

 ''Think intentionally and be focused''. How many of us do that? The author says engaging in deep thinking is a habit forming activity...''Don’t swap wisdom for pleasure''. When you stop questioning you really stop learning. When I was at University I did a module in Critical Thinking. It helped me think out of the box, so now I question the heck out of everything. It is not a sin to question. 

2. If it feels good, do it

Some people use this as a reason to commit all sorts of sins. The author reminds us that we are not a feeling. We are a spirit. Feelings may change but the truth remains the same. Let that digest. Don’t be a slave to your emotions. ''I really cant control myself is not a reason to beat up your wife or say abusive words to your husband''. Have self-control.

3. Thou shall never be serious

Is it cool to be fun loving and playful all the time? The author thinks differently. He cites the Word which says ''There is a season for everything''. He says there is nothing wrong with having a laugh or being of good cheer, just not all the time.

Here are a few clues of unseriousness from the book 

They never take responsibility

They never have a written plan or goal

They live for shortcuts

They overlook the little things

4. Thou shall have foolish friends

Who are in your circle? The author reminds us of Proverbs verse that if you surround yourself with the wrong kind of people, just one evil suggestion can corrupt your heart and jeopardize your future. (Proverbs 13:20)

Do not hang around with people of questionable morals. Learn to identify foolishness from afar. Review your circles and make sure you are not surrounded by fools.

5. Thou shall stick to thy guns

Stubbornness is truly required for long term foolishness says the author. Here are some sign of such character: Refusal to repent, refusal to forgive, refusal to love, refusal to give, refusal to learn, refusal to admit wrong doing.

6. Thou shall have a biased memory

Some people have selective amnesia. They choose to forget the things that are unfavorable things. The author states such a person forgets that pain can be an instructor.  He states that practicing selective amnesia is a quick way to secure a place in the realm of foolishness. I'm sure we all have examples of such seasons. 

What about those that never remember good things? The author  shares about the Jewish Phenomenon and in spite of  their great persecution and hardship, the Jews have excelled in every field. Why is this? Hanukah festival is where they remember how God delivered them and this gives them great confidence. 

The author reminds us to always remember what the Lord has done.  Remembering will give us the grace to plough through any challenge we may face in the future.  May we never forget God's benefits.

7. Thou shall continually criticize

Remember the people of Israel. They complained about everything and some people still do the same today.  People that whine all the time are like children. They complain about everything. They don’t take responsibility and blame everyone else for their woes.  A wise person is critic free always taking the time to check themselves and take 100% responsibility for their actions.

He ends by saying it’s not enough to have knowledge. You must apply it. That’s wisdom. Remember that wisdom from above is pure, peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. (James 3:13-17)

In conclusion, the author sites that Wisdom is always a principal thing. More importantly spiritual wisdom is what one should seek. The great thing is that once you gain wisdom, you have the choice to change your ways or remain in your foolishness.

Thanks for stopping by. Please leave a comment and share with others.

MICHELLE OBAMA ON SELF WORTH & LIFE LESSONS

This interview was conducted before Michelle Obama left office as the First Lady of America. We love this video clip in Raising Confident Girls platform. I have watched it so many times, especially when it first came out. I am so glad that a member shared it to us again this week. Here are 18 Keys lessons that I noted from her inspiring talk

1. Self-worth and self-value are so important.

2. Time management is also important

Especially time for yourself.

3. Know your value and don’t allow yourself to be taken advantage of.

4. Like who you are but you’ve got to work at it.

5. There’s a journey to getting to know and love yourself.

6. Surround yourself with goodness and good people who lift you up.

7. Parents nurture your children. It really helps boost self-esteem and self-worth.

8. You don’t have to listen to every negative stuff on social media. You can block the haters.

9. The best revenge is success and good work.

10.            Be of service.

11.            Be authentically yourself.

12.            We never arrive. We are always evolving.

13.            For men - Be better Fathers and show girls what it's like to be loved. That way she’s unlikely to be mistreated when she’s older. Don’t babysit your children. Be there for them.

14.            No one has it all, despite what you see on social media.

15.            You live life through phases.

16.            We have never arrived. The work continues.

17.            Never be compliance. Things can be taken away if we are not vigilant.

18.            And finally don’t be ignorant - In my mind that means gain knowledge, read, seek and be a critical thinker. Ask questions. Don’t always believe everything you are told. Question everything.  

Click here to watch the full interview

Thanks for stopping by. What did you learn from her talk? Did it inspire you?Please leave a message in the comment box. If you found this information useful please share with others. 

KNOW YOUR VALUE

I live in an environment where value is often measured by what a person drives, what designers they have, who they know or how wealthy they appear. Wealth is nice and can bring great comforts but its important to put it into perspective. Net-worth is not self-worth. Some individuals lack confidence because they have limiting beliefs and don’t even recognise their own value. 

Recognise Your Value

How can you know your value if you don’t recognise it? What are you basing your value on? Is it based on how people treat you? How much money you have? What position you have in society? How many followers you have on instagram? Who you know?  What others tell you about yourself? These are limiting beliefs about value because a person's circumstance can change. In addition, people's opinion and the way they treat you can be fickle. You're popular today and ignored tomorrow.  In order to feel valuable you have to recognise your own value. Yes You.

I write this as a person who has been through this experience of limiting value. But Thank God for Jesus. As a believer, I recognise that my value is from God. My DNA comes from HIM. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I recognise that I am made in HIS image. As a child of God, I am assured that I am of inestimable value. I am a masterpiece. In fact if you were to price my value, I am simply priceless. Do you feel the same about yourself?

Believe Your Value

When you recognise your value, then you have to believe in your value. You have to believe with all your heart and with your entire mind and with all your soul that you are indeed valuable.

Once you believe in your value, you will start walking in the power of your belief.  You wont put yourself in environments where your self worth is compromised. You won't be around people that don't value you. Your step will change. You will present yourself like a person of value. You will walk with your head high irrespective of your circumstance because you know who you are. It starts with belief.

Get rid of stick thinking

Accept Your Value

When you believe your value,  the next step is full acceptance of who you are. You will accept yourself as a unique individual who is a gift to the world. You wont be swayed by people’s opinion of you because your belief system is grounded.  

Those that accept themselves focus on their strengths and not weaknesses. Have you accepted your value?

It is not enough to find your value and keep it all to yourself. Once you are discover your value, you should aim to make others feel valuable to. That way everyone benefits. 

Thanks for stopping by and please leave a comment in the box. I would love your thoughts. If you found this article useful please share with others.