I’M SEARCHING FOR REAL LOVE

As I was walking in the early hours of the morning, I was thinking about real love. Those of you who grew up in the 90’s may remember the track by Mary J Blige titled ‘’Real love’’. But I am not thinking about romantic love.  I am talking about agape love. It is not based on feelings but on a resolve to put the welfare of others beyond our own.

It is not a love that comes naturally to us because of our fallen nature but one that is ever present when the spirit of God is in us. With real love, we can forgive the worst treatment.

During the Christmas season, it appears that we are in tune with real love BUT real love is not a programme, it’s not a one day event. It’s a lifestyle. We should aim to demonstrate Real Love every day.

What Real Love is not

The presence of pride, egoism, deceit, jealously and superior complex is not real love. It’s not God’s love. It’s not ‘the love of the Bible or the early Christians.  All selfish ambitions cannot be present when it comes to real love.  As we step in 2017 those characteristics that have become habits need to be dusted off and left in 2016, so they we can walk in real love.

What Real Love is

Real love is patient and kind. Real love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Real love does not demand its way or the high way. Real love is not irritable and doesn’t keep records of hurts. Real Love does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth is told. Real love never gives up. It never loses faith and is hopeful. Real love stands strong through every circumstance.

Can we really demonstrate Real Love?

I often ponder on this but God wants us to display Real Love as cited in his Word. He commands us to love just like the Samaritan did.  

Your strong love for each other will prove to the world that you are my disciples. John 13:35

Whoever keeps my commands, is the one who loves me. John 14:21

and whatever you do, do it with kindness and love. 1 Corinthians 16:14

But if a person, isnt loving and kind, it shows that he doesnt know God, for God is love. 1 John 4:8 

I pray this blog post ministers to you as it ministered to me when I was writing it. May we continue to seek and display Real love. 

What are your views on Real Love? Please leave a comment so we can all grow in wisdom and knowledge. 

Thanks for stopping by. Please feel free to share with others.

12 BEAUTIFUL MEMORIES OF MY DAD

The memory of my dad’s birthday came and went on the 28th of August and I just couldn’t even acknowledge it to myself, not to talk of the rest of the world. It was just too painful for me as he slipped away suddenly in February. That was 10 months ago and as time heals wounds I am able to share a few precious personal shots. As I think about life without him during this Christmas season, I am determined to remember all the good times.

Here are 12 beautiful memories of my dad - 

This was dad on his 70th birthday about two years ago. He had an intimate dinner party with family and photoshoot. We are indeed a village. 

Roll back the years and this was one of his first photos when he arrived in the UK in the 60's. 

Dad was stylish and too cool for his own good.

Dad was always the one behind the camera and he loved his gadgets. Nice to see him in action.

He was a stylish dude in the 70's and loved his music

Dad returned back to Nigeria in the late 70's and loved his Peugeot 504

Dad in the early 80's in Owerri. We had fond memories of good times for a short time before military took over. 

Dad was always happy at his children's weddings. Ndi Igbo kwenu...

Trust dad to remain stylish in the 90's with his leather jacket.

My dad was posh like this. He always used a knife and fork to eat traditional Naija food. Plus his gadgets were always in sight. 

Friendly, social and a friend to everyone. Our beloved dad, granddad, uncle, inlaw and much more.

I sent this message to my dad on the 01 January 2016. I didnt realize that 12 months later, I would be speaking about him in the past. But such is life and death but thank God for good photo memories.

Some Family on my Dad's 70th Birthday

Writing this blog has been therapy for me. 

Thanks for being part of my blog journey this year and I look forward to sharing with you in 2017. 

Have a wonderful Christmas and beautiful New Year. 

IT'S GOOD TO TALK

It’s not always easy to talk with others about challenging issues especially if it involves being upfront, but it's good to talk and it improves relationships. 

The way we are brought up has a lot to do with ability to talk openly about issues but even if this wasn't the case for you, it can be improved immensely by deliberate effort. It's good to talk.

Barriers To Talking
Most of us our hesitant because:

We may be misunderstood

We may sound weak

We might not express ourselves clearly

We might be laughed at
We might get insulted

We might upset the person

We don’t know where to start

We don’t want to worry others

We don’t want to disturb the peace
They might not be interested
Its too complicated

The Benefits of Talking

1. Peace of Mind
2. Healthier Relationships
3. Stronger Confidence 
4.Victory Over Satan

What Happens when you don’t talk?

Resentment builds up

The more you keep away from discussing an issue, the more resentment builds up. Before you know it, you could end up disliking a person just because you haven’t discussed an issue.

Issues get swept under the carpet

Anything that is not discussed will slowly become an issue because sooner or later someone will explode. Deal with an issue straight away to avoid this.

Sickness

This may sound far fetched but not speaking about issues may trigger mental illness and sickness. Ask any psychiatrist. 

If relationships and friendships are important to you then you must find ways to talk about all sorts of issues, even the challenging ones

• ·        Be Open - That means saying exactly what you mean in a diplomatic way.
• ·        Be Honest - You can discuss matters openly without hurting others. You should be honest.
• ·        Listen - A talk is a chance to listen to another person's point of view. It's not a one way conversation.
• ·        Show you care - Dont be a bully or controlling when talking to others about challenging issues because it so easy for others to get defensive and you wont achieve your goal. Always be diplomatic. 

That it's from me. How about you? Do you find it easy to talk about challenging issues? Can you provide any useful tips? Would love to hear from you in the comment box. If you found this article useful, then please share with others. 

ELEVEN LIFE LESSONS FROM RIRI

I cant believe December is here already. To date 2016 has been one of those years of highs and lows for me.  I started this blog about 6 months ago and I thank God that my gift of communication is something of value and I am able to express myself in a light hearted way and that someone out there is inspired by my writings. Here's a list of 11 life lessons that have affected me in the last 11 months and I hope that someone will be inspired.

BE GRATEFUL FOR LIFE

Life Is Short: This time last week I was rushed to hospital. I was struggling to breath again. I say again because unfortunately my asthma is heightened at this time of year and I am sometimes crippled with allergies and asthma. I realise more than ever that I have to take my preventative medicines at all times. Unfortunately, on that fateful Friday while I was struggling to breath and finally recovered, someone else took their last final breath. Remember life is short. 

Count Your Blessings: Which brings me to my second point which is count your blessings. If you don’t need an inhaler, you are blessed. If you have the money to buy an inhaler like me, you are blessed.  Whichever way you look at it, as long as you are alive and breathing properly, you are blessed.

Be Grateful: Don’t wait for complications to strike before you begin to feel grateful. Every day that you wake up, be grateful. Write down a grateful log.

Don’t Dull Your Shine: You are a gift to the world and whatever you have, can inspire people so please don’t dull it. If you are a writer, write. If you are a singer, sing. If you are comforter, comfort people. Just ask God to put the right people your way and remove the ones that don’t need or appreciate your gift.

DONT DULL YOUR SHINE

Don’t Apologize For Being You: Never ever do this. Don’t go into hiding. Don’t question yourself or your abilities or your uniqueness. Not everyone can handle you because not everyone is comfortable with who they are.

Live An Uncomplicated Life: Don’t sweat the small stuff. Don’t enlarge the big stuff. Find uncomplicated people to hang around because life is already complicated enough. Hang around toddlers. They are uncomplicated.

DONT COMPLICATE YOUR LIFE

Ignore Toxic Behaviour: These days I simply ignore it unless of course it’s my own children or those very close to me then I can pull them up on it but otherwise I ignore.

Don’t Copy Toxic Behaviour:  Dont copy toxic behaviour hoping to keep scores. There's a lot that we dont see and you dont really know what is going on in another person life, despite what you see on social media. Just pray for others. 

Be Confident:  You have to be confident in who God made you to be.  Having confidence is like a muscle that needs to be worked on. You have  stand up for what you believe in. You have to walk in your values. You cannot be blown by everything you see. You have to be a thinker. You have to ask questions. You have to know that you know that you know who you are and who's you are.

BE CONFIDENT 

Enjoy The Now: Because now is all you have. Nobody knows tomorrow. Nobody knows where they will be but God. 

Live to Please God: So that even your enemies will be at peace with you. Live in love, have a generous heart. Always seek to do God's will. Do not lie, cheat or steal or be proud. Treat other's how you would like to be treated. 

So that's my 11 lessons so far. I am sure I will have one final lesson by the end of month 12. Which of these 11 lessons resonates with you and do you have any more to share? Please respond in the comment box and feel free to share with others. 

Happy New Month 

COZ I AM HAPPY….

Everyone is seeking happiness. That’s why people go on holiday. Achieve bigger goals. Try to get rich. Go on a shopping sprees. Buy Bigger TV's , bigger cars and bigger houses. But have you noticed that a lot of these tactics are short lived?

Here are a few things that I try to do in my pursuit of happiness so that it is long lasting. 

Live In The Now

One of the biggest happiness killers is worry. Some people worry too much. And if they are not worrying they don’t feel normal. Most of the things we worry about come to pass, so why worry in the first place? There was a time I use to worry about everything but one day I woke up and asked myself two questions. How is my worrying going to change my current situation?  What is the worst thing that can happen? Considering all the health issues that are associated with worrying, the worst thing that can happen is to die from worrying too much. I dont wish this on anyone. So dont worry. Be happy...(singalong)

Forgive Others

Let’s be real!  There are some people that are annoying and deliberately set out to hurt us and forgiving them is not easy. But we have to forgive, for our own happiness and peace of mind. We can’t internalize their behaviour or blame ourselves. We have to accept that some humans will behave badly at times. We can keep away, keep them at arms length and guard our hearts. 

Be Around Those Who Lives Are Working

It’s great to surround yourself with people that are naturally happy or have a positive vibe. They are not flaky. What you see is what you get. They might even have things that are going on in their lives that are challenging but they have a quiet confidence that things will work out. They are just happy and content. Even if you cant meet with them in real life you can follow them on social media. They are just happy folk.

Exercise

There is a big link between exercise and happiness. I should know. When I stop working out I dont feel good at all. In fact, my feeling of well being decreases. You have to find what works for you. But please find it. I combine going to the gym, walking round my estate and dancing. I am not obsessed about weighing myself. I just want to be fit and its working and it keeps me happy. 

Be Content

Which brings me nicely to my final point. If you want to be happy, you have to be content - simple. Unfortunately, so many people are not. How can one be more content with their lot? First of all, be grateful. Don’t see your life as a competition with others. Stay in your own lane. Be happy for the success of others. Celebrate others. Get rid of those bad vibes which are jealously and envy. Give a compliment to others. It won’t diminish your value. 

So, there you have it. These are my thoughts. Please share your tips on happiness in the comment box. Thanks for stopping by and please share with others that might find this blog post useful.  

RAISING CONFIDENT GIRLS INITIATIVE BECOMES NGO - WHOOP WHOOP

What started as on online movement has now metamorphosed into the NGO – Raising Confident Girls Initiative!

Raising Confident Girls Initiative (RGCI) was founded in September 2014 by RiRi Okoye. It has become a valuable resource and has an online membership of 13,000 and growing daily from all across the world.

The movement recently evolved into a registered Non-Government Organisation (NGO) in Nigeria. The admin team are based in Lagos and London respectively and include RiRi Okoye, Ladi Chapman, Damie Onasanya, Yinka Enahoro, Ifeoma Okoye Agbasi and Bonita Olugh.

There are several issues with raising girls in the 21st century and the movement intends to tackle them.  The desire of RCGI is to empower girls and provide support and solutions to those challenges.

In 2014, RCGI invited over 80 girls between the ages of 8 to 14 across Lagos to its 1^st Girls tea party at Teeky Events & Arena Lekki. The theme of the event was Valuable YOU. Girls left the program feeling confident, empowered and inspired knowing that are valuable and can present themselves effectively anywhere in the world.

First Raising Confident Girls event held in 2014

Speaking about Confidence at Selfworth Network Event 

RCGI realise that it takes a village to raise a girl and so the Admin team met up with members in London and Lagos to thank them for their valuable contributions to the initiative. Aside from Annual programs for girls and members, there are plans to host regular meets and greets across the globe where possible.

Recently two members of the initiative, Rita Okoye and Yinka Enahoro were invited to empower and inspire girls at Queens College School in Yaba as part of class of 86, give back to the school. The event proved very successful. It highlighted the need to expand such talks with other schools, groups, churches and communities in Lagos and across Nigeria. The initiative plan to deliver a range of Confident themed events each year in Nigeria. They are keen to partner with brands who also support have similar visions. 

Speaking Engagement at Queens College Lagos

The long-term goal is to provide a wide range of resources such as books, educational material, empowerment events, apprenticeship opportunities, educational sponsorships and mentoring, just to mention a few. Raising Confident Girls Initiative look forward to engaging and partnering with various sectors to build the girl child with confidence.

A delightful Confident Girl 

For more information and if you are interested in partnering please contact us at

raisingconfidentgirls@gmail.com

Contact RiRi Okoye on +234 (0)8068997439

www.raisingconfidentgirls.org coming soon

MY PERFECT LIFE! MY INSTAGRAM LIFE

''You were born to be real not to be perfect'' this was a quote I recently posted on my social media pages. But tell that to any young person growing up in this era of Instagram and snapchat and they will look at you as if you are crazy. They believe that one has to showcase as many perfect shots as possible to give an illusion of a perfect life. How else will they keep their followers? The truth is the pressure is real, even for adults who post frequently on Instagram or other social media platforms. 

To Post Or Not To Post

When you think of how many photos the average person who is on Instagram takes, the question on their mind is ''what should I post?''. Some post for business, some for fun and others a mixture of the two. I fall in the last category.

Recently, a bad allergy struck which affected my eyes. Both my eyes were puffy and I looked terrible. I shared the photo with my mum and her first reaction was ‘’Rita, you are not going to post that on social media, are you?’’ I laughed out loud. ‘’No mum I am not going to share it’’. On hindsight though, what harm would it have caused if I had posted it? How many likes would it have attracted? Would it have gone viral? You know, keeping it real hahaha. (Maybe not)

Can You Be Truly Authentic? 

My husband says it’s not possible to give a truly authentic self on social media because followers want drama and action. He says that’s what social media is made for. Not for boring real life stories of imperfect bodies and normal day to day living. You have to look the part, be the part and snap the part. Hmmmmm Do you agree? I must say Ive met people that seem so happy and warm on Instagram  or Facebook'(like they could be my best friend) but when you see them in real life, they are not as friendly or maybe they are more friendly in real life, so I guess there is truth in the fact that you cant be truly yourself. 

What Is Real?

So where does that leave us with reality? Research states that many struggle with this perceived lifestyle that they see regularly on Instagram and even on Facebook. This can even cause envy and hostility even among close friends and family members. Alex Williams describes the glimpses into other people's lives that Instagram offers as ''a new form of torture''. (New York Times) 

In my opinion,  these type of followers don’t understand the power of posing, editing and only showing the best, which is quite frankly, really easy to do (wink).  

How Do We Keep It Real?

We can’t control the perception of others but we can control what we put out there and hope that people will understand that most of the time, the photos are just for that ‘’moment’’. After all it is social media which is really about having fun and posting fun.

Would love to hear your thoughts on ''The Instagram Life'' or Facebook Life (for the oldies lol). Can you relate to this write up? Does your life seem like your in constant bubble or fun holidays?  Or are you the type that gets frustrated with others who seem to have the perfect life? You dont have to answer these question. Hopefully, will just have a laugh but please feel free to leave a comment. 

Thanks for stopping by and please free to share with others.

Happy New week

HOW TO FIND PURPOSE

A friend of mine recently said she was on a journey to discover her purpose. She said ‘’RiRi it looks like you’ve found yours’’. I said ‘’yes’’ but it’s been a long drawn out journey.  It sometimes comes from a place of pain and involves a lot of sacrifice. Its born out of a passion to make a difference.

I wasnt one of those people that knew right from childhood why I existed. In fact, I believe my relocation to Nigeria helped me find my purpose. Below are some of the questions from a self-reflection test which I took a few years ago which helped me discover why I exist.  

What are you naturally curious about?

Your answer to this will give you some indication of your purpose. Everybody has different things that makes them curious. In my case, I’ve always been a people's person and I have a passion to help others, whether in business or in their personal life. The business that I run and charity that I am involved in allows me to fulfill my purpose.  What about you? What are you naturally curious about and enjoy? Is it politics, real estate, art, science, sports, computers etc.

What would you love to accomplish before you die?

Your answer to this will also help discover purpose. Some people have great wishes to do things but don’t. Those who have discovered purpose actually do everything they can to accomplish their life goals before they die. This is because they are dedicated to achieving their purpose. They take little steps to accomplish them and dont give until they do.

What would do if you could not fail?

That is a very deep question because most people are afraid of failure but those who have found purpose take risks because they know why they exist. I believe that one needs to change their mindset, so rather than think of a past mistakes as failure, see them as lessons learned and you will be on the way to discovering purpose.

What were the activities or tasks you were doing when you felt most empowered?

When you are passionate about something and feel energised, you are probably on the right track to your purpose. Sometimes you may have to think back to your childhood and think about any activity that gave you fulfillment. I feel empowered when I am publicizing, creating and delivering an event. It is such a buzz. The same energy and power that I use to deliver a large-scale corporate event is the same passion for the workshops which are much smaller and I know that my purpose is being fulfilled. I also feel the same passion and purpose when talking and engaging in matters for ‘’Raising Confident Girls’’.  Because my ultimate purpose is to help people.

So what about you? Why do you exist? Take your time to answer this question but it may help lead to your purpose. I wish you the best.

If you would like a copy of the self-assessment test that I took then send a request to me at rita@majesticallyrare.com

Have you found your purpose? Please share how you discovered it.

Recommended books

1. The Success Principles by Jack Canfield
2. S.H.A.P.E Finding & Fulfilling your unique purpose for life by Erik Rees
3. Who moved My Cheese by Dr Spencer Johnson
4. Understanding the Purpose and Power of Woman by Dr Myles Munroe ( I think there's a version for men) 
5. Understanding Your Potential by Dr Myles Munroe
6. The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren