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Saturday, February 17, 2018

WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?

As a young 8 year old, I use to attend a small Baptist church near my house called Dean Hall. I wasn’t a Baptist. I was raised a Catholic but because Dean Hall was 2 minutes away I attended the vibrant Sunday school after my Catholic church service.  The Sunday school lessons were fun and those who attended regularly got prizes. So I made it my goal to be there every Sunday. There was so much love in Dean Hall of which I have very fond memories. 


EARLY YEARS

At Dean Hall I learned about selfless love. I learned that is was so important to love my neighbour as myself. I learned the stories of the Samaritan and that it was important to treat others just like myself. The core of the message at Dean Hall was love and selflessness. I was taught to always think about others more than myself just as Jesus did. And as an 8 year old, this message stuck with me right up to adulthood until myself and my husband joined the Pentecostal movement in 1998.



ME ME ME BECAME SO IMPORTANT

I was no longer taught about selflessness, rather I was taught I was the head not the tail. I was told that I was the most important person in the world because I was God’s child.  My needs mattered more than anything else. I was taught how God was going to favour me, bless me, proposer me and elevate me me me. I got carried away with all this me, me me and my daily prayer was ‘’God what have you done for me lately’’. I needed a deep spiritual walk and we moved to Jesus House London. But we relocated to Lagos in 2008 and me, me, me, way of teaching was heightened in some churches.  



MOVING TO SOLID FOOD

But now I know better. I have returned to what I was taught as an 8 year old.  I know now that to Love my neighbour as myself is not a command to love myself. To love myself is natural because scriptures assumes I already love myself. As a mature Christian, I realise how important it is to focus less on myself but more on the needs of others. Is this easy to do? Not at all! Do I fall short of this? Yes regularly! But at least I know what I am suppose to do. So what about loving oneself. Isnt that something that a movement Raising Confident Girls encourages ? Yes it is. Our girls are wonderfully and fearfully made but true confidence comes when we are serving others.
I am not saying loving oneself isn’t important. It just shouldnt be an obsession. (Philippians 2: 3- 4)




What’s love got to do with it? When we focus on loving others as we love ourselves in the way Christ taught us, then we are more likely to shine HIS light and win souls to Christ because that is the goal right? Food for thought!

What is your view about the Bible context of loving yourself? Have you been on a similar journey to me? Please leave a message in the comment box and thanks for stopping by.

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Wednesday, February 14, 2018

DON’T LOVE ME AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF

From as early as I can remember and from scripture, we are taught to love others as we love ourselves but as Ive grown in maturity, I have come to understand that we must always ''love others'' but not necessarily in the way that we would like to be loved.  And let me explain before I am accused of blasphemy. I have come to realise that not everyone can love you in the way you love yourself  because not everyone has the same heart. 



Love People According to Their Love Language

If you haven’t invested in the book  called ''The Five Love Language by Gary Chapman'', then I would highly recommend it. You just cant love everyone in the same way, not even friends. When I look around at my relationships they are all different and I love them all differently.  They require different kinds of love:
1.   Words of Affirmation
2.   Quality Time
3.   Receiving Gifts
4.   Acts of Service
5.   Physical Touch



Love People in Their Way or Face the HighWay

If you love people in the way you want to be loved you might be disappointed. Take Jude  for example, on each Valentine’s day he leaves a lovely Valentine’s card for his wife telling her how much he loves her. But Jackie is fed up of seeing those cards year in and year out. All she wants is to be taken out for a candle lit dinner somewhere in town. But Jude just hasnt made time to understand his wife’s love language and doesnt understand why she doesnt appreciate his cards. 



Love Others in The Way They Like to be Treated

I am an extrovert and I like being on stage and I love dancing.  It’s just the way I am wired. Ive got a friend Beauty that hates any kind of attention. If I am at a speaking event, do you think it would be wise to call Beauty on stage to dance with me ? I think not. But If I love her, the way I love myself isn’t that what I would do? Now Ive got to change my thinking and love her the way she loves to be loved.

Food for thought on this Valentines Day! 

Thanks for stopping by and I wish you a whole year filled with love. Please feel free to leave a comment or share with others.

Saturday, February 10, 2018

DOES INTENTIONAL LIVING BRING SUCCESS?

So at the beginning of the year, I decided to live a more intentional life. Intentional living is not a new concept to me but I havent always been that consistent and deliberate until I went on the NO NONSENSE GOAL masterclass in January. So here are just 5 things that I try to practice intentionally, with hope that it improves my success rate of achieving my life and business goals.



1. INTENTIONALLY PRACTICE GRATITUDE

Saturdays are my day of gratitude. I spend my morning’s reflecting on my week and just write down all the things that I am grateful for. It really is a great confidence booster and helps me count my blessings.  Today I am grateful for my sister friend Ngozi Obi, who I have known for 18 years and who is celebrating her birthday. I am so grateful to have such a phenomenal sister friend in my life.  



2. INTENTIONALLY REVIEW  LIFE AND BUSINESS GOALS

It’s so easy at the beginning of the year to write down goals and be so excited about achieving them but how many of us are fed by February? Ouch! The momentum goes down and even the mention of goals can irritate us. So I decided to change that mindset and intentionally review my goals on a weekly basis to see where I am and whether anything needs adapting. It’s been quite mind blowing to see that my goals are being achieved faster by being intentional.

3. INTENTIONALLY RECITE AFFIRMATIONS

I intentionally recite affirmations daily to help achieve my goals. Sometimes I listen to them as a voice note or just read them silently.

I have spiritual affirmations, life goal affirmations, business affirmations and confidence affirmations. And I believe they are helping me achieve my goals because what you focus on, you become.



4. INTENTIONALLY WATCH WHAT WE EAT

I have dreams of returning to my pre returnee weight (I use to be leaner when I lived in London) but this is not going to happen if I don’t manage what I eat or do exercise. I recently saw a post from my dear friend Kwavi where one of her clients said that her new menu was boring. Kwavi quickly reminded her client that food is not meant to entertain us. Its just meant to fuel the body. I reflected on Kwavi’s message and now intentionally do a check to make sure I am eating right not as a bestie or to entertain me but just as fuel. It doesn’t mean I don’t have treats but I intentionally try to keep them limited. And by the way, I have a few accountability partners that keep me in check lol. 

MORE ABOUT KWAVI



5. INTENTIONALLY LIVE A SIMPLE LIFE

My life is simple and that is intentional. My desire for material things are minimal. I like nice things but I don’t desire too much of them.  I just keep me simple. I am always de-cluttering. Intentional living is not the same as being intentionally mean or hurtful or calculating and those are habits I stay away from. I like friendships that are simple and straight forward.  I surround myself with those who share the same values as me and it gives me peace and makes my life simple. It really is intentional. 

So these are just some of the things I do intentionally to create more success in my life. It’s a bit too early to evaluate the outcomes of some of the new ones but so far so good. How about you? What do you do that is intentional and what are the benefits? 

Thank you for stopping by and as usual and if you found this blog post helpful please share with others.

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NO NONSENSE GOALS IN 2018

Happy Weekend. 

Friday, February 2, 2018

CAN YOU FEEL THE FORCE?

Relationships are never forced and the more you try and force yourself on people, the more they will push you away. I learned this life lesson some years ago: We are not called to everyone. Some people will love us. Some people will not and sometimes the season of the relationship is over. Ive been on both ends in my life of being too needy and someone needing me too much and neither are cool. Its suffocating actually. We live and learn.


RESPECT YOURSELF

The worst thing we can do is force ourselves on people in the hope that they will see our value. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Have Respect for yourself. No-one is worth chasing. Here are a few points worth noting:



THE RIGHT PEOPLE WILL SHOW UP

I remember a season in my life where I felt needy for friends. I had just relocated to Lagos and despite relocating with my family, I was missing female company. I had loads of female friends in London. I still do but couldn’t figure out why I was not finding those deep connections in Lagos 


FRIENDSHIPS ARE NEVER FORCED
You know the type where you can just chat and laugh for hours on end and by the end of the day, everyone leaves with a really great feeling until the next time. But that wasn’t happening in Lagos. The few I met relocated back to London and it was proving difficult to find my kind.



ASK AND YE SHALL FIND

One day I just prayed to God and asked him to show me the right type of friends for me and they just started showing up, so naturally. No force. Just loving, caring, kind and full of empathy. I now have a set of loving friends in Lagos that are solid as a rock and I always leave myself open to more friends because I recognise that good relationships really add value to my life. But they will never be forced relationships.



GOOD FRIENDSHIPS ARE LIKE BREATHING

NEVER BEG

God created you worthy of respect and love. He will send the right people to you. Never ever beg for a space in anyone's life, regardless. It doesn’t help your self esteem or confidence when you force yourself on others. Can you relate to this blog post? What has been your experience with forced relationships? Kindly share in the comment box and lets learn from each other. Thanks for stopping by

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Saturday, January 27, 2018

HOW TO OVERCOME LEG SHAME


I love my legs. They are nicely carved legs but that view of my legs was not always the case, especially not in Secondary school. I hid my legs! Imagine.


It all started when a popular girl in my school told me that I had big fat yams on my legs and I believed her. She asked me how I coped. It didn’t help that she had what I thought were nice legs, so I guess she was just protecting her title. Because of her opinion, I didn’t feel comfortable wearing shorts or skirts and it even affected me as an adult to some degree but thank God am I over it and I’m rocking my legs and laughing for believing her opinion over mine.


What lessons can we learn from my experience because there are always lessons?

OPINIONS ARE NOT FACT

Opinions of others are just opinions. They are not fact. Some people try and lord their opinions over you. You need a strong sense of self and who’s you are, to not let the opinions of others break you down. You are created in God's likeness. To be honest, I was teased a lot growing up but I realise now that a lot of it was just plain envy.

DON’T FOCUS YOUR VALUE ON YOUR LOOKS

It’s lovely when you get compliments but there is more to you than how you look. Your looks will fade away with time but what will never fade is your inner value. Build yourself from the inside out. Work on things that are not seen like your character and your belief system. So that even if you get teased about your appearance, you know that you are more than your looks.



BE GRATEFUL

Don’t spend your life being miserable for what others say about you. Rather be thankful for what you have. If there’s something about your body part that you don’t like, change your mindset and be grateful.  Some people don’t have legs, arms, eyesight etc. So be grateful for what you do have.

I hope this message is a new step for anyone who has believed another person’s opinion over theirs. Life is too short to not live your life fully. Break out from your limiting belief and start believing in yourself and your value. You are so worth it.... and if its your legs that you are ashamed of, go on your knees and thank God for making them in HIS image.... and no matter the shape, just rock them like I do.




Thanks for stopping by and please feel free to leave a comment.

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF WHEN OTHERS DONT


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Sunday, January 21, 2018

THREE KEYS TO ACCEPTANCE

Sometime last year I had an epiphany. I cant remember exactly what month it was in or what date but I remember the feeling of peace. I was done trying to figure everything out. I moved into a new state of maturity. A new state of peace and a new state of acceptance.

Here are three key points that can help you with acceptance.

I''M NEVER GONNA BE A ROCK STAR

ACCEPT YOURSELF

Accepting yourself is the biggest step to inner peace but it takes honesty and inner reflection.  A lot of times we aspire to be or do things that we are not called to do and that causes frustration. Sometimes we envy others who have the gifting we desire. 

I remember when I was a little girl, like most little girls I wanted to be a singer. But reality set in and I realised that I just wasnt gifted to sing. We have to be really honest with ourselves.

Have you accepted yourself?
Do you know yourself?
Do you know your strengths and your weakness?
Are you trying to do things that are just not in your gifting? 
Are there people in your inner circle that you trust that can be honest with you?
I am not saying that you shouldnt strive for things that you desire but be really clear about who you are and your calling. 

ACCEPT OTHERS


You have to accept others for who they are and if change is going to come, it will have to come from the person. Newly weds please take note. 

I use to have this eagerness to try and fix people in my attempt to get on better with them. But they never changed and eventually,  I realised that you cant change others. 

The only person you can change is yourself.  Parents take note too and dont push your children to things they are just not cut out to do. 
CHAI! THEYVE TAKEN LIGHT

ACCEPT THINGS

So much is happening in the world and every day I see a rant on social media. But I wont give myself high blood pressure over the things I cant control. There are so many things in my beloved country that I would like to change like the power failure situation. Gosh that use to upset me when I first arrived but ‘’I cant kill myself’’ as they say over here.

Now I can be in a meeting and if there's a power failure I can carry on talking with everyone else rather than look confused lol. 
I have accepted what I can change and what I cant I say this short prayer. 



What about you? 
What things do you need to accept in 2018? What things are causing you unnecessary stress? 
What things do you need to let go of, so that you can really enjoy the rest of 2018? 
I do hope that this is food for thought. Please leave a comment about what you have accepted. 

Thanks for stopping by and please share to those who may benefit.

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About author
RiRi is a dedicated Events & Marketing Experts who is passionate about serving clients at Majestically Rare to the highest standards. Only the best will do. She is also the founder of Raising Confident Girls Initiative with a clear vision: A world where every girl is confident. 



Sunday, January 14, 2018

HOW TO CREATE YOUR DREAM LIFE

Since the No Nonsense Goals masterclass that I attended last week I have been in deep reflection mode, designing my dream life goals, thanks to the 30 day online inner circle that I am part of. In my journey I realised that I have SMART goals, a SMART Vision board, a business vision but no tight defined vision statement or story to really actualise my personal goals and life. A vision is so important because it inspires us to focus on what matters. It also provides clarity for the future and ensures that everything we are doing now is working towards our future vision.


There are barriers to visioning though and I faced them too.
1.  We stop visioning from childhood. We thought our dreams were too big or unrealistic
2.  Visioning is a skill that most people don’t practice but the more we practice the better we become
3.  We fear  failure but we can eliminate this thinking by saying 'there are no failures but lessons learned'
4.  We think a vision has to be perfect. Hears the good news. It doesn’t.



After this week online session and to my delight I came up with my own personal vision story (which is still a work in progress) and I wanted to share the steps that I took.

WHAT DO YOU VALUE THE MOST

The first step was to list the top ten things that matter most to me. After listing them I regrouped them and discovered 6 things that are most important to me. If you know me well enough you’ll probably be able to mention about 3 of them. I will go ahead and list three of them. 1. Love 2. Self- Worth 3. Communication. And you will probably realise that a lot of the things I do in life whether business or personal are centered around those values. 

CHUNK VALUES INTO GROUPS

After I listed my 6 top values, I grouped them in importance and rated them out of 10 on how strong I am and what steps if any to improve the lower scores. For example, communication is a strong value of mine and I get very frustrated when there are barriers. One of the ways I can overcome those frustrations is by asking more questions and seek to understand before being understood. 



WRITE PERSONAL VISION STORY

After the above task, I was ready to write my vision story. I used all the words in my values like love, self-worth and communication to create the kind of vision I want to see for my life in the future.

I am excited because I have literally created and designed my dream life. But I am still on a journey and still in the 30 day inner group so there’s more to learn. My vision story can be tweeked  but at least I have started it. It doesnt end at writing a vision story. I read it daily along with affirmations to really bring my vision to reality. 

How about you? Have you set a personal vision statement or story for your life or business? It’s really worth creating one.

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Thank you for stopping by and please feel free to leave a comment and share with others. Sharing is caring.

About author
RiRi is a dedicated Events & Marketing Experts who is passionate about serving clients at Majestically Rare to the highest standards. Only the best will do. She is also the founder of Raising Confident Girls Initiative with a clear vision: A world where every girl is confident.